So. You all know I’m pregnant. But there are even MORE changes.
As you may or may not know, my mom and dad have been watching Bailey 12 hours a day, 5 days a week, for the last almost 2 years. My parent’s are also moving. Up WAY WAY north in Minnesota. Practically to the boundary waters. 8 hours away. It’s going to be good. Sean and I both keep saying through this, “this is a good struggle to have.” Here is why, my parent’s moving is a good struggle to have:
This will be an opportunity for Sean and I to grow closer together and closer to God. And rely on ourselves and our marriage for everything instead of my parents.
So because they are leaving and also that I’m pregnant, we have really been lifting it up to God what to do. I am away from home 12 hours a day because of my work being in Chicago and there is anywhere between an hour and a hour and a half commute. So we wake up at 600 leave by 630 and pick Bailey up somewhere between 6pm and 630. So right around 12 hours. With this new little one, I didn’t want to be away from him/her for that long, even if my parents were able to help us out. And now being that they are leaving, it is an even worse option. To put our child in the hands of a stranger or at least not family for 12 hours a day just isn’t an option we are comfortable with. For months we were freaking out. How would this be possible? How would we be able to afford our house? Would we need to sell it? How would we even do that considering we haven’t paid off hardly any of our mortgage. (Technically it’s all interest anyway.)
I redid our finances and started cutting out the non-necessities (Spotify, Hulu, little things like that…) And it turns out I can be a stay at home mom. I mean… barely. But we could do it. We won’t have extra money to work on projects around the house or be able to buy the latest iPhones (as is our custom). We will be solely relying on God for everything that is extra. However, my babies will be raised by their mom. And you have NO idea what that means to me.
Since I was 16, I knew I wanted to be a stay at home mom. When I got out of the Navy I tried telling Sean that I didn’t want to go to school again because I was just going to be a stay at home mom and Sean said that No. I WAS going back to school because our kids needed a good educated role model. SO I went to school. I’m glad I did. It was fun and I learned a lot. But I have always wondered when the time would come when I could do what I really wanted to do, and that is to stay at home and take care of my family and my babies and our home. I love cooking and I want to do that more. I don’t really like cleaning, but I do like a clean home and our home is rarely clean because of our schedules. We get home and have no energy to clean.
When we first decided that this was going to happen, Sean and I were very stressed. I felt Sean wasn’t be supportive or saying any of the right things which would be “This is hard, but we will figure it out.” or “God will help us through this.” It was more like “Well, we kind of have to do this don’t we.” and “we don’t have another option!” I think we were both really scared. We were scared of having no extra money, no safe wiggle room every month. We were/are living a pretty cushy life right now. And the reality that in a few months that could all be gone and to being very frugal and careful with our money is scary. But like I said before, It’s a good struggle to have. We will learn how to be smart with our money and learn to rely on God and asking for everything we need and trusting that he will help us along the way. I don’t know that we’ve ever had to do that for real before.
So, This summer, the summer I turn 30 (!!) my dreams come true. I get to be a stay at home mother. I get to spend my summer with my only child until she goes into Kindergarten and we add another beautiful babe to our family.
It is an intense feeling going from a two income house and feeling the pressure to help provide for your family, to relying solely on your husband and not wanting to burden him with this, and yet being so excited. I don’t want to rub it in his face the elation I feel about this summer and the opportunities that are coming my way. I have already written out a schedule for this summer and what the plans are, which I hope to touch on later.
If you have gone through this, I would love to hear your story and where you got your support and inspiration from.